It's So Completely Obvious We Can't See It
On a basic mental skill that everyone needs to master
Distraction keeps us occupied.
Bright shiny things compete for our attention until we’re blinded by it all. Then they go low-key, and they make it stand out again. They get our attention eventually. They have figured out, you see, that we don’t really take conscious control of our attention faculties; they can almost capture it at will.
And so, keeping our attention on what’s really important is one of our biggest challenges. We’re not present; we’re constantly somewhere else, trying to make something happen or avoid something nasty, doing someone else’s work or following through on their demands.
They say everyone is answerable to someone, but I’m not sure this is a helpful way to process this situation. It’s hierarchical—there’s a big boss somewhere to whom everyone is ultimately answerable. It’s the ceramic or hydraulic view of the world and of nature, but it’s too simplistic because if you trace it all the way to “the top”, so to speak, there’s no one there.
The office on the top floor is empty.
It’s like when Dorothy pulled back the curtain—such a great metaphor. There’s nobody bloomin’ there. We invented it all! And besides, no one you’ve ever worked for gives a fuck about you anyway. They only care that you follow through on your tasks, and when you get sick and can’t work, they’ll just find someone else.
“Everyone is answerable to someone” simply allows us to forego personal volition and control. It places the power to decide our own lives in the hands of others.
And in the meantime, we invent all kinds of madness around why we must keep doing it. The mind chatters away about everything we need to do, and we worry about getting it wrong or missing the target.
I wrestle with this myself, even though I’m conscious of how detrimental the behaviour is.
I’m not on my own here, right?
The constant chatter inside the dome of the skull: I should be doing this or that, I’ll miss this deadline, she thinks I’m not up to it, I’m going to be found out, I won’t pull this off, I don’t fit in here, I need to get milk and break, I’m going to strangle that bastard, have I everything I need for this thing…
It goes on and on and on.
Imagining scenarios that never happened and most likely never will, I cast myself off into some created place in my head and away from the only time I can ever be effective.
It’s madness.
That said, it doesn’t happen all the time or in all situations. On some occasions, like when I’m teaching familiar subjects, I get into the flow of it. It just rolls off the tongue; I don’t even need notes or slides.
And I reckon it’s the same for you.
So, do you think we could get control of the thoughts we think more often?
What would be the benefits?
Do you think we can prevent our minds from taking us to places we don’t really want to go?
I don’t mean we should ignore problems when they arise. Like, for example, if the building was on fire, you’re not going to make a cup of tea and pretend that all is well. That would be delusional.
What I mean is, we should refuse to entertain and become obsessed with negatively oriented future or past scenarios. This is what breeds anxiety. We should also refrain from giving our attention away for free.
I don’t accept that it’s an innate habit, either, and I also don’t accept that it can not be reversed.
To be explicit, this completely obvious thing we cannot see is that Now is all we have. It’s the only moment that has, and will ever exist, and it is the only time we can be effective.
You can’t be effective yesterday or ten minutes ago because it’s gone. You can’t be effective in ten minutes’ time because the future never gets here. In ten minutes’ time, it will still be Now. And if you had a time machine and could travel to any time in the future or past, it would still be Now.
The clock on the wall ticks and tocks—that’s all it does. It counts. It doesn’t measure anything. Time—future and past—is a psychological construct, and I think at the base of it all, we know this. But we’ve hypnotised ourselves to the contrary, and as such, we are pushed and pulled by our fixation on and our belief in it.
Staying present is a key mental skill to develop if we want peace and happiness and to achieve the things we say we want. I am so completely convinced of this by my own experience and by working with many people who struggled with the challenges of their lives.
In fact, there’s a second mental skill that is inextricably linked to staying present, and that’s taking control of one’s thoughts.
Being present with children is key to their forming healthy relationships in the future.
Being present in our work is key to doing it well.
Being present in sport is key to Flow state and high performance.
For Christ’s sake, if you’re having surgery, you’d better have a surgeon who’s present, or you might not make it out alive.
You get the picture.
If you only focused on one mental skill, it would be this one—staying present.